Well, I’m half way through my new year’s resolution to pun every day in 2010 and it’s going about 180 days better than any other new year’s resolution I’ve ever made before. That said, June was the hardest month so far, so fingers crossed I’ll get a second wind. Come on brain, let’s have some inspiration for July’s #punliners…
1st-30th June
Hairy insects that pupate in volcanos often end up as moulting larvae.
I cheated on Wonder Woman with Supergirl, then on Supergirl with Buffy. And all because of my heroine addiction.
I had to dash, but hit my colon on the side of a posh trophy. It brought me to a full stop and I slipped into a comma.
Brought up by the riverbank, yet afraid of water, he was an otter disgrace.
Vera Lynn is sick of having burgers for dinner: “Wheel meat again?!”
When gigging to an audience of cannibals, never ask them to throw their hands up.
Stressed castaways long for a massage in a bottle.
What’s wrong with air-brushing? I ate messy air. It’s orrible.
Can’t remember what I should do after doodling a bullet. I’m drawing a blank.
Jim Carrey tries to recruit Matthew Broderick into a shadowy organisation in new film ‘The Cabal Guy’.
Want to plot out how the size of electrostatic generator affects maximum voltage produced, but can’t find any Van de Graph paper.
“I wonder what my next guide on how to hustle people should be about?”, he con templated.
Thomas the Tank Engine hoarded all the coal because he had trouble making friends (selfish steam issues).
I’m playing ‘Earth’ in a demonstration of the Solar System. Should I make up the orbit as I go along or planet properly?
I howled with rage after being beaten by my girlfriend in an online algebra exam. Totally e-maths ululated.
Gordon Brown is devoted.
Davy Crockett once pierced his ear and shoved his head in a pork pie, misinterpreting a request to see some ‘pioneering spirit’.
Robot 1: Did you just emit a noxious gas as a byproduct of extracting pure iron from its ore? Robot 2: Whoever smelt it…
Someone’s embroidered insults over the Bayeux Tapestry. How crewel.
Ewww, don’t touch the blacksmith’s son, he’s got the metallurgy.
Rubbing fresh garlic onto a coarse sweater doesn’t actually ward off vampires. It’s another case of the hemp aura’s new cloves.
Illustrating a children’s story about a drunken rabbit pool hustler. A regular beer tricks potter.
Looking out of my fishfinger helicopter, getting a Birds Eye view.
Mass was wondering when gravity would arrive: ‘Why do you always make me weight?’
Scientists have built a sentient robot using exoskeletons from creative crabs. The first genuine arty fish shell intelligence.
Invited Edgar Allan Poe to an all-night acid house party in an aviary, but it turns out he doesn’t like raven.
Two weeks investigating the Case of the Unrestrained Canines and still no leads.
I threw a party in a deciduous tree, but no-one came (it wasn’t poplar).
Betting on which lamb will jump the highest is a big gambol.
Trying to make a lightweight, yet solid, cloth-covered sun hat, but someone keeps sabotaging me. Are they taking the pith?