334 down, only 31 to go. Presenting November’s #punliners, with very little gunpowder, treason or plot:

1st – 30th November

With only my chauffeur for company I went on a quest to meet Suggs. I failed and at times was almost driven to Madness.

“Mr. Pimp, sir, is it true that you have the quickest girl in the business?” “Well, I hate to slow my own strumpet…”

When rowing, try using a flexible paddle bent into a bow. It might give you some extra speed. Oar knot.

Retraining as a tree surgeon? Your days are lumbered.

“Along with a bomb plot, in 1605 someone also tried to assassinate MPs by stabbing them with cutlery.” “Fawkes?” “Knives, too!”

I’ve seen a lot in my time as a professional dancer, often while spinning on the spot. I’m a man of the whirled.

Cheer up Thor, you’ve got a face like thunder.

My campaign to stop dogs showing their happiness was ignored until I got some press. Now everyone’s jumped on the banned-wagging.

My scarecrow has decided to go on a crash diet. It really is the last straw.

Gilet: the vest a man can get

Chris Hoy gave me a lift in his car made from Olympic gold and flowers. I was running late so he put the petal to the medal.

When two fans of classic computer games need to discuss an important issue it’s known as a tête-à-têtris.

Jewish ski professionals wish each other Shabbat Slalom

“To sculpt chocolate you need special tools and a simple idea.” “An aeroplane?” “Yes, plus a Yorkie hammer and a Kit Kat lathe.”

I saw someone drive a Bravo off a cliff and survive (the car still worked, too). A real death-defying Fiat.

“Cruella! Why, when I wanted a lemonade, did you insist on me getting a liqueur?” “De Vil’s advocaat, of course!”

My mate got high off a roast chicken. He free-baste the juice.

I think volcanoes are misunderstood – they’re lavas, not fighters.

Penguins look like they’re in tuxedos because dinner is always a fish shoal.

When sheep need a transplant they get a doner kebab.

While scuba diving I heard some polyps singing about informing, educating & entertaining – a beautiful example of a choral Reith.

Apparently rabbit costumes and painted eggs are on trend now?? I can’t keep up with you fashioneasters.

Don’t you hate those lawyers who hustle for business around fancy restaurants and dimly lit jazz clubs? Bloody ambience chasers.

My mate’s decided he wants to start shipping eagles, falcons and hawks between Dover and Calais – yet another aerie-ferry scheme.

Giant Peaches, as with all fruit-based homes, come with problems. For James, it was the radiators not being plummed in.

After a hard day of organised crime Japanese mobsters like to unwind with a dip in the yakuzi.

Why do tile games do sit-ups? To work on their abdominoes.

This Russian B&B is very good at putin clean bed lenin on. Full marx from me!

However much you may want to, you must never hit someone with a Stradivarius – violins is never the answer.