Here’s a constantly updated list of the awful puns, one-liners and gags that have fallen out of my brain. Sorry. Other punslingers I enjoy are: @serafinowicz, @diceproductions and, of course, Tim Vine.
Throughout 2010 I challenged myself to write a pun a day on the twitters (hashtag #punliners). I did it (somehow) and have now stopped, lest the punishing pace destroy my brain. I’ll still do the odd one every so often, though.
Punliners archives: January | February | March | April | May | June | July | August | September | October | November | December
- “My business selling the ashes of famous seers is urning great prophets.”
- “It was getting harder and harder to find dirty clothes to fill up the washing machine. Eventually, I threw in the towel.”
- “The ancient Egyptian recession began with the collapse of the ankhs.”
- “A friend's pregnant wife got a craving for bamboo - I told him not to panda to her.”
- “Pigeon Revolution? Not another coo d'etat...”
- “I rubbed some mousse in my hair, but couldn't get the antlers to sit right.”
- “Luckily my mum hasn't found these stockings I made out of human skin - she'd have my guts for garters.”
- “Thanks to the recession, many members of religious orders are being made renundant.”
- “Trapped in a container ship - a freight worse than death.”
- “My vegetable furniture business brings home a comfortable celery.”
- “I managed to snap an Alaskan brown bear in the wild. Definitely a kodiak moment.”
- “The busy cobbler shoed me away.”
- “I'm dating a 100 year old - she's very romantique.”
- “He confessed in an ultra-low frequency. The truth hertz.”
- “Woke up today feeling blue. She told me to keep my hands to myself.”
- “Went to unlock my boat, but I had the wrong quay.”
- “My mates asked me to build a wooden platform out to sea, but I don't give in to pier pressure.”
- “I'm very passionate about dried fruit - it's my raisin d'etre.”
- “Saw someone punch Elizabeth I in the neck, I thought, "That's a bit ruff".”
- “Sorting out the excess architectural detail on my wall with some anti-frieze.”
(This list is also what feeds the Random Pun-Liner box in the sidebar)
So far, in the real world, I’ve written one-liners for The 5:19 Show on BBC Two. If you’d like me to write things for you, just send me a message.
Knock KnockWhos there !Ada !Ada who ?Adamond is forever !